Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
