im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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