My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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