Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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