i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
