My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
