i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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