ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
