Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
