Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
