Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
