FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
