And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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