if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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