the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
