My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
