I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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