if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I could fuck to npr.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
