Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
