Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
