this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
