it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
