Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
