we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
