My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He keeps bees of course he's weird
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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