when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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