i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
