you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
