Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I've blown a few things in my day
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
