I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
