Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
