in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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