she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
