i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
