So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
