Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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