Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
