it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
