I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
