I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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