True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
