I think my fart just growled at me.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
