Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
