I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
