Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
