There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
