I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
