After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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