i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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