To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
