Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
