White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
